‘Tis nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” William Shakespeare conveyed this very Marcus Aurelius-like passage to us through one of his greatest characters: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. This quote is particularly relevant when considering the phenomenon of modern fandom. You can be a fan of an artist, musician, literary genre, TV show, movie franchise, politician, spiritual philosophy, or, in the context of this article, a specific sport or sports franchise. Now, all fandoms have the potential to be either healthy or toxic. We’re going to explore how to avoid the toxic side of any fandom, while nurturing the healthy side; this is best done by examining the two sides of the fandom coin, known as B.I.R.G.ing and S.I.R.G.ing, and how they manifest themselves among a fan base.
Let’s start with B.I.R.G.ing. What exactly does that mean? It’s an acronym for “Basking In Reflected Glory.” I am a Seattle Seahawks fan, and right now, this is what all Seahawks fans are doing. It can be argued that no fan has any direct involvement or impact in his or her team’s performance, though on some levels, this is a debatable point. Fan noise in a stadium can indeed influence the mental state of the players, or impact opposing players’ abilities to communicate with one another. A win for the team can and does feel like a shared experience. The fandom feels like a collective consciousness or hivemind, and a win by the team can induce a sense of euphoria that feels very personal, as though that victory was achieved by the fan as well as the coaches and players. Fans feel very positive associating themselves with winners. If you turn your back on your team when they struggle, then you might be accused of being a “fair-weather fan” or a “casual.” True fans stand with their teams, in good times and bad.
Now, how can B.I.R.G.ing, this sense of reflected glory, be toxic? It can turn toxic when ego creeps in; when winning fandoms begin trolling opponents or opposing fans their teams defeat, calling them “losers” because the opposing teams might have fallen short in head to head contests. This is unsportsmanlike behavior, and unworthy of the genuine fan.
The healthy side of B.I.R.G.ing can be seen when, as opposed to ego-driven revenge tours against your most bitter rivals, you see your team’s victories as opportunities to be inspired. The team is a collection of uniquely talented individuals who have been brought together as a group who learns to work collectively in pursuit of a common goal, bringing their own specific talents to bear on some aspect of that journey–and they succeeded. Take that lesson and apply it to your workplace, your family, and every group to which you belong who are working to grow and improve themselves. Your team did it–so can you. Hard work and dedication will ultimately pay off for you. As for the opponents, they were the ones that pushed your team to excel. Without them, how could there be a victory, or even a competition? They bring out the best in your team–or in you. Respect them, so long as they did their best and truly made your team have to rise to the occasion and be the best version of themselves in order to emerge victorious.
We can apply this same mindset to our spiritual practices, which can also be approached in toxic or healthy ways. There are religions and philosophies which can be co-opted by extremists for violent or destructive ends, or practiced with love, generosity, and open-mindedness. We must always respect anyone’s chosen spiritual path, but be willing to call out any perversion of such a path that leads to human suffering. Healthy spiritual paths provide satisfying, fulfilling experiences and contemplations as adherents to them continue their search for truth and meaning. Sadly, any of them can become toxic if their precepts are corrupted and used to intimidate, manipulate, or amass power. If you are a true “fan” of a spiritual tradition, then you need to practice it with fidelity and devotion, while at the same time defending it from any attempt to usurp it for selfish or destructive ends. Keep your practice healthy.
Now we turn our attention to B.I.R.G.ing’s opposite, and that is S.I.R.G.ing, or “Suffering In Reflected Grief.” This is what fan bases feel when their teams fall short, sometimes in last-minute, painful ways that break fans’ hearts. Toxic S.I.R.G.ing can really be taken to extremes, prompting anyone who witnesses it to wonder if the sufferer is in need of immediate mental health counseling. TV’s get their screens smashed by the first heavy object available, and are then ripped from the wall or taken out of the entertainment cabinet and flung out into the yard. Oh, but the S.I.R.G.ers aren’t done yet. This act of electronic sacrifice often continues with having the offending device beaten to pieces with baseball bats or other bludgeons and the casting of the once-beloved team jersey onto the device’s wreckage, the whole sorry lot of it then being set on fire in a final act of purgation. “I’m done!” the S.I.R.G.ers bellow, walking away from the towering blaze with astonishing indifference. One might feel I am exaggerating, but all you need do (you know you want to) is go to You Tube and do a search for “(Team name) fans CRASH OUT after losing big game!!” and spend six hours going down the S.I.R.G.er rabbit hole. You’ll find that I am understating the reality. Granted, some of it is performative or done just for clicks, but there are just enough genuinely toxic S.I.R.G.ers out there to make you wonder what you could do to help.
So how can S.I.R.G.ing be borne healthily? All fans will face that moment, and learning to cope with that experience well is a skill to cultivate. The key is to remember that there is always someone out there that is better than you. Your team’s opponent, outlasting those you follow, exposed areas of growth on which to focus in the future to make your team better. Any defeat is an opportunity to learn and grow; the only true “losers” are those who quit entirely. If you give your best, you never lose–you learn. Apply that lesson to your own life experiences when you encounter setbacks. Remember that time that your team didn’t lose heart when they lost a heart-breaker. They believed in who they were, showed resiliency, and came back the next week having improved. You can do the same. As mentioned earlier, remember that your team’s opponents, and those who you compete with in your own life context are the ones who push you to excel and against whom you measure yourself. Respect them, even thank them, for presenting the challenge that allowed you to rise to it.
Spiritually, S.I.R.G.ing might manifest as a loss of faith or some crisis of disillusionment that challenges beliefs you have held for years or even decades. Rather than plunging into a valley of despair, hit the spiritual reset button and seek out a new system of belief that better aligns with your most treasured values. That’s going to be a painful process, but also an enlightening one. Never follow any tradition or spiritual system blindly; always question it and make it continue to prove itself meaningful and true to you. If it collapses under the scrutiny of your questions, then it wasn’t worthy of your belief to begin with.
I remember the day when I came to understand the true nature of B.I.R.G.ing and S.I.R.G.ing. I was 16 years old, and the starting center for my high school football team. We were playing the number one ranked team in the state, and no one gave us a chance to even score against them, let alone win the game. Well, we did. It took everything we had, but a summer of training and lifting weights coupled with a determination to win that game at all costs resulted in a 17-16 upset that shocked the league, if not the state. When the game ended, I just wandered the field in complete B.I.R.G.er mode, not wanting to leave it; I just stared at the scoreboard to immortalize that final score in my memory for all time. When I finally walked off the field, that’s when I saw him, crouching down against a brick wall in the school parking lot–the best high school running back in the state, who we had shut down all night long. We’ll call him Steve. When I saw him there, I swaggered forward like the toxic B.I.R.G.er I was at the moment, wondering what snarky comment I could make that would make him feel worse than he already did, which to my adolescent mind would in some way make the victory an even sweeter one
Before I had the chance to think of something to say, he saw me coming, stood up, and walked toward me with his hand outstretched and head held high. “That was a great game,” he said. “You guys were amazing. Good luck the rest of the way.” He shook my hand, and I just stood there, staring back at him in stunned silence. I think I managed to mumble some sort of thank you, and then he was gone, walking out toward his team’s waiting bus. I never saw him again, but I do remember feeling shame for what I had almost said to him, and thinking that despite those numbers on the scoreboard that were permanently tattooed in my memory, Steve was a winner. He showed me what healthy S.I.R.G.ing looked like, and what the shame of toxic B.I.R.G.ing felt like. I would never forget it. Whenever I feel the urge to say something to an opposing fan, no matter what they might have said to me in the past, I keep my mouth shut and just let the victory speak for itself (unless it’s just friendly banter between opposing fans who are friends; that’s part of the fun).
So what if I have fervent opposition to someone else’s spiritual beliefs? Am I somehow obligated to try and “enlighten” them by showing them the “one true path,” saving their souls in the process? I think not. I am happy to have spiritual discussions with them, working to explain what I believe and to ask them questions about the beliefs they hold. I would hope they would be able to do the same for me. Having to respond to questions about what I believe is a great way for me to critically examine where I currently stand. Slowly, as I contemplate the questions, my beliefs will evolve to accommodate the answers. The quest for truth is an ongoing one. I am once again reminded of Andre Gide’s quote: “Trust those who seek the truth, but doubt those who have found it.” Now, if someone is corrupting a belief system in order to use it to make others suffer or to oppress them, then further action is warranted. Otherwise, leave them to their journey.
William Shakespeare describes humankind as “the paragon of animals.” We are capable of such extraordinary feats of mental and physical prowess. We are drawn to watch members of our race who have developed their gifts to the highest degree possible play instruments in concerts, act in stage plays, sing in musicals, or compete in the various athletic contests we have conjured up to test ourselves. We revel in and feel inspired by their victories, and suffer with them when they fall short. We dance in joy to the music of our favorite musicians, and feel personally insulted when someone criticizes their sound. We bask in the pleasure of a new novel by our favorite author, and then lash out at the ignorant member of the book group that just doesn’t “get it.” We all B.I.R.G. and S.I.R.G. on a regular basis as we go through life seeking sources of inspiration to guide our own journeys. The key to truly enjoying whatever fandom speaks to you–be it a sport, a band, a TV series, or a god–is to know how to keep things in perspective and maintain a healthy B.I.R.G.er/S.I.R.G.er balance as you navigate your way through your own unique interests and experiences.
Healthy “fanning” to you!
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